Dare To Be Different
It’s a nice saying but how can we apply to it our real lives?
Shutterstock by Tithi Luadthong
This article includes affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link, I earn a small amount from qualifying purchases.
“Dare to be different.”
It’s a nice quote, an inspiration poster, a little framed saying for the office desk. But what does it really mean?
For many, playing role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons is all about being different: the ability to play as someone other than yourself, a hero, a villain, a being of magic or special abilities. And making unique characters goes beyond just appearance. My favorite has fantastic spells and skills, but her unusual obsession with hats, collecting and trading them with characters and NPCs makes her the most fun to play. She never questions it or apologizes because it’s just part of who she is.
In the real world, I like to think of myself as a unique individual as well. And I take a certain sense of pride in my little non-conformities, being a nerd girl, my sense of humor, and somewhat eccentric taste in books and music. But at the same time, I have also been a conformist. I was going to a corporate job, wearing a suit and heels, overall living a life that is not too far from the accepted societal norms. When I was having fun, I celebrated being different and yet allowed myself to conform for the rest of my life. (Read more on how D&D can help us grow in TTRPGS and Personal Development.)
“To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human can ever fight and never stop fighting.”
- E.E. Cummings
Why do we avoid being different?
It is instinctive to want to be part of a group. Long ago, being away from the family unit could mean vulnerability to predators, and there is truth to the saying of “safety in numbers.” We want to be liked, to fit in, and be part of something larger than ourselves. Being an outsider is difficult.
Many of us know firsthand how hard it can be. Growing up, we were ridiculed and bullied for having interests that didn’t align with the popular extracurricular activities, wearing glasses, being a nerd, or having bodies that didn’t conform to that magazines’ definition of beauty. Being different can mean isolation. Sitting alone at the school lunch table, one has a feeling of both invisibility and being on display simultaneously.
As adults, we still struggle. Grab the wrong socks in the morning while getting dressed, and all day, you imagine everyone in the office staring at your ankles. Decide to hamburger when everyone else at lunch is having a salad, and it feels like being on stage, everyone judging your every bite. We feel flawed and image ourselves separated and distant from others in our doubts. Even when no one notices or cares, we still criticize ourselves, and it’s our own internal voice that acts like the bully.
It’s far easier to conform. It’s comfortable, it’s familiar, and on the surface, it’s easy.
“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.”
- John F. Kennedy
Why be different?
If it’s so difficult, why do it? Who would want to live in potentially painful situations?
Honestly, It’s completely unavoidable. We are all individuals, a combination of genetics, upbringing, and experiences that make us unique from every other human being on the planet. Good or bad, there is no one exactly like you, and in that way, we are already different from everyone else. The conformity model is flawed, and it’s impossible to make us all the same.
And yet, we still try to conform. We try to fit into some “norm” and sacrifice our true nature and talents. But no one changed the world by thinking like everyone else. Look at the people are inspire others: artists, activists, innovators, and entrepreneurs; they are unique individuals that aren’t afraid to be different. How many fantastic, world-changing ideas are out there, but people don’t act on them because it’s different and they are scared of ridicule? (Read more on finding self-confidence in X-Men and the Power of Being True to Yourself.)
Being different means living up fully to your values and who you want to be, instead of what society tells you should be. It’s being true to yourself and being proud of who you are. Instead of trying to fit in, people who embrace their differences tend to be happier, more creative, and more confident.
But it is hard. It takes courage to stand up to your internal bully. It means accepting the risk that some people may judge or criticize because they don’t understand. Sometimes, it can mean needing to be comfortable in your own company.
“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”
- Maya Angelou
Quitting my corporate job was one of the hardest things that I have done. Not the actual giving notice, but the personal acceptance that the corporate world was not for me. Even telling co-workers was difficult. It was far easier to say that I was just taking another job than go into any details, especially when I honestly didn’t know exactly what that new job was going to be. Going out on your own is weird; it’s not what people expect, and often, it’s not what they want to hear. It’s different. But it’s been a good thing, and I am happier and more confident since I made that decision. But personal acceptance is still a struggle. (Read more about my personal struggle with acceptance in Being Authentic is F---ing Hard.)
This past weekend, there was a new RPG event that I wanted to check out, but it was something that I never had done before and was definitely out of my comfort zone. It took all my courage to get out the door. My internal bully was in prime form, telling all the ways that I would make a fool of myself, that no one would accept me, and how I just wouldn’t fit in. But once there, being new and having a different background and experiences than the others made for interesting conversations, and I had a good time. So it gives me the confidence to keep trying and being who I want to be.
“You are a marvel. You are unique.
In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you.
Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move.
You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven.
You have the capacity for anything.”
- Henry David Thoreau
All of us are different. Margaret Mead, the late Columbia University anthropologist and Presidential Medal of Freedom awardee, said it best, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
Whether we like it or not, we’re all weird in wonderful and unique ways. We need to learn to accept and embrace that weirdness instead of trying to hide it from each other. It is our differences that is the real commonality between us all.
So while “Dare to be different” is a nice saying, it is also true. So go ahead and dare, and be true to you.
Author:
Laurie Trueblood is a writer and life coach that enjoys fantasy, science, psychology, and everything nerdy. As the founder of Adventures to Authenticity, her mission is to help others level up and become the best versions of themselves.
Interested in reading more about self-confidence and living a life that you dream of. Check out How to Add More Adventure to Your Life and The Divinity and Humanity of Superman, Captain America, and Ourselves.
